I didn't know that.
I never thought that the word "abortion" would be used in any way relating to any pregnancy I every experienced, but that changed on Sunday night.
I'll try to spare you the gross details. Sunday night after dinner I started experiencing bleeding and cramping, and I really started to freak out.
I called a friend and couldn't even ask for help, Hubby had to take the phone and ask her for a ride to the hospital. I just cried.
Within minutes, this friend was at my house. It must have been Gods' timing, because they were already driving and were so close to our house when we called that when Hubby asked them to come, they were already turning down the street towards our place.
My amazing friend stayed with me through the triage, the registration, the long wait in the waiting room, and then the even longer wait in the exam room. We were finally seen by a fantastic nurse, and a calm and encouraging doctor. I can't remember either of their names, but they really were wonderful.
I had an ultrasound late late LATE Sunday night (maybe after midnight) and I did get to see my bean. I saw the heart pumping really strong, and I cried because my fears were gone. There weren't any guarantees, but for the moment, that little baby was just fine.
I never realized how much I already loved this little one until there was a threat that he or she might be taken away.
I didn't know how much I would let fear take me over, or how many negative thoughts would run through my head until the thoughts were so fast and so plentiful that I couldn't stop them, and it felt like the world was moving slower because my brain was running so fast.
I didn't think that something as small as an olive (2.4 cm already!) would impact my life so much...
...but it has. And already this is my baby. Already I love him or her. Already, this baby is an integral part of our family.
And I don't want it any other way.