There are some things that I've been wanting in my life for so long that they seem beyond my reach anymore.
I want to have my pre-baby body. no stretch marks, lungs that can sing and walk up stairs without gasping or turning red.
I want a husband whose desire is only for me. I want to trust that the internet is not being misused, that I'm not going to feel betrayed or ugly or fat because he prefers the girls in the porno films to me.
I want to have a house that doen't stress me out, that makes me feel glad to live in it, that I enjoy maintaining and keeping clean.
I want to have a social network of people who I can call up at any time and have conversations about my real heart without feeling like I'm dumping on them. friends who will give back and who will drop everything to just go out for coffee...
I want to love myself. To believe that I am strong and beautiful and caring and talented. To get over my guilt and shame and fears and to trust the One who made me the way I am.
I want to dive into a deeper relationship with my Creator, ignoring my laziness and procrastination, and to really start living the way I was created to.
I want to start living and stop thinking about living. To love and to serve without wanting something in return, to learn every day more of the wonders my Lord has made in this world, and to live by example and not just say the nice words.
My life is not just mine. it has a purpose, and I want to be able to say when my time is up that I really did do the BEST that I could with every moment of every day and that I took what God blessed me with and used every single day to glorify Him.
I will change. I am changing. This life is the best life, and it will keep getting better.